You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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