i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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