i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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