Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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