Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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