she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
