So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
