Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
