New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
