lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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