the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
