Do you still have your period?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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