You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
