That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's never too late to be topless.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize