I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
