He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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