i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
