btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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