Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
its liver damage thursday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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