i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
