never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
