oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
