i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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