"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
