you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize