babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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