I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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