just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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