I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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