at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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