Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
