and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
