living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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