I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
