Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
