I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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