i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
