a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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