She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
