yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
