Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize