It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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