yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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