u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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