dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
