u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
