Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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