i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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