Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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