i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
