just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
