I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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