the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
