If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This baby is an asshole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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