only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
