Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize