I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
