I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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