Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
