I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
