please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
