Dude my mom stole all your condoms
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
