So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
