He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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