It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize