I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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