Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
