now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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