My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
