i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
