You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
